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I have an aversion to eating rice believing that it will make me fat.
I am looking at how i created this within my mind
and the consequence outflow of this in 'my without' - as the wellness and the weight loss industry
I am using self-forgiveness to release the energetic 'push and pull' within my mind which
creates a friction and conflict that results to stress and correcting the way i see rice and other food items
that i judged as 'heavy and fatty' in my living.
What is self-forgiveness?
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the design of fear of survival - as the physical - as food - as plants - as rice - as energy
fear that rice will make me fat,
fear that fice will make me gain weight
believing that carbohydrates make me fat and make me gain weight
as i feel the heaviness when i eat rice
as i saw my weight increase when i look at my weight aftrer eating rice
as i have heard and read what doctors and wellness professionals said
'rice has carbohydrates that make you fat' - in the media
believing that doctors know about how the body works
believing that because they studied anatomy
and they studied how the body works for a long time
they must know everything about the body
and because of that i have to believe whatever they say
So, desiring to eat salads and raw foods to be fit and slim
believing that what doctors say in the media
about the dangers of obesity is true
believing that if i eat more salads and raw foods
i will have a slim and fit body
and i will be popular
believing that because stars are popular
because of their slim and fit figures
and are given attention by men and people from the media
i will get attention too
when i become fit and slim
believing that because rice feels heavy in my stomach
when i eat it
it must be bad for me
believing that when i feel heavy
i will weigh heavy on the scales
which will mean i am fat
believing that when i am fat, i am slow, lazy, sick, useless, hopeless, worthless,
believing that if i am short and fat, i am inferior to others who have tall and lean body
believing that when i have a fat face, my smile is not well defined
believing that if i have a saggy chin, i will look old
believing that old people has difficulty to move around, so lives life less
as they are sickly and dying
believing that if i am fit and slim i look young and beautiful
believing that young people live life more because they are mobile, athletic,
adventurous, fun, fit, lean etc.
believing that when one is young, one is living life fully
instead of realizing that within this i am running away from my fear and the
negative experience i have within my mind
so, desiring the opposite and satisfying that desire to give me
a positive experience within my mind
forgetting that i am here as the breath in a body
in this physical world - this physical existence
and not in the mind world - an alternate version of this physical world
which i created so i can always be happy and where i can always win
Through this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to doubt who i am
fearing the perceived split within myself
creating a friction and conflict within myself
uncertain of whether i am in my mind world
fearing being fat
desiring Not to eat rice to be fit and slim
or in this physical world
here as breath in every moment moving me, expressing me
developing an equal and one relationship with the body
Within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think about a picture of me being ugly and fat eating rice with some 'humba', my favorite Philippine dish,
believing that when i get fat i look ugly
believing that bulges in my body
that shows up when i wear fitting clothes
are ugly
believing that lean is beautiful and sexy
believing that if my body is lean and beautiful
i will be the center of attraction and that
all eyes will be on me
making me feel special and desired
believing that when i am desired and admired
i am alive
and when i am rejected and disliked
i am a walking dead
where within this i am running away from my fear and running after my idea of beauty within my mind world and turning my back against the physical world, generating mind energy which is taken from the body - the powerhouse of energy - instead of realizing i can stop participating in my thoughts
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see through my mind's eyes seeing only
the pictures i created within my mind and the interpretations i gave them
as per how i interpreted this physical reality
never really here as the evil me living in a secluded mind world
where i always win
not seeing the abuse going on in this physical world
because i fear to lose
Within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that i am fat and ugly imagining people doesn't want to be with me
believing that people cry alone, so i am alone in my fatness and ugliness
believing that happiness is contagious
so desiring to smile, give jokes and compliment others
believing that if i smile, i attract others
believing that if i give jokes, i get laughter back from others
believing that if i compliment others, i make them happy
believing that if i make others happy
they will remember me
believing that if they remember me, i will be alive in their memories
believing that the more people have good memories of me
i am successful in living life
where within this i am forming a picture within my mind as an inferior character that is an alternate version of me generating energy, in the process, using energy coming from the body - the evil me feeding the body and then taking energy from it so i can imagine pictures within my mind - instead of realizing that i can breathe through and stabilize myself as breath when and as i am presented with pictures - where i do not cloud my judgment and instead, see reality as what it is.
Within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a backchat within my mind saying, 'i don't care i will just do what i want to do'
believing that i tried different diets before and it did not work
so, not caring about diets, will work
believing that if one does not work
the opposite of that will work
where within this, i am trying to be whole wiithin balancing 2 polarities
and abusing words within my mind as backchat uses words
just like when we speak or write
generating energy within my mind
transforming physical energy to mind energy
instead of realizing that i can stop participating in this backchat
and be stable here as breath in every moment, moving me, expressing me
Within this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when i
see my mom eating with her hands with 'gusto' food such as
rice with other Filipino dishes like 'adobo', 'sinigang' etc.
have a backchat within my mind 'she is already fat yet she does not really care'
where i use and abuse words within my mind
judging and projecting my own fears and desires to her and other people in my world
where i am trying to get away from my fear of being fat
though the emotion of pity
Within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
react in guilt and apathy so eat however much i like
even if it does not support the body's survival optimally
when i am bored, so i will be entertained
when i am talking with someone, so i will be entertained while talking
when i am taking a break from doing my assignment, so i will make life easy for me
where within this i am generating mind energy and transforming physical energy to feed the mind
to energize my mind world
and escape from the abuse that is here in this world
retreating from what is real to go to an unreal world
where i am always happy, and winning - within self-interest
Within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself
to create a consequence outflow within my acceptance and allowance
of this fear of being fat in my within
and so, creating a consequence outflow in my without - of/as the
weight loss industry
where people like me
fear being fat and ugly
and desires to be slim and fit
making
wellness a billion dollar industry
capitalizing on my fear of being ugly and my desire to be fit and slim
and recreating an unequal world system
making money and profit for myself - within self-interest
where the earth's resources land in the hands of the corporations
depriving others of their share
instead of nationalizing the earth's natural resources
and sharing their profit to others
through paying them a
Living Income, Guaranteed from birth till death
where not only few wins - but where all wins
Through this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
blame the physical for creating food
that makes people fat
like rice
instead of realizing i am the one who created the fear within my mind
so i am the one that will take self-responsibility for what i accepted and allowed
in 'my within' - as the mind
and in my without - as this world system
Through this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
have the excuse that i have to survive as the ' i don't want to be fat' personality
instead of realizing that i do not have to fear survival and then try to transcend this fear within my mind
rather, to assist in changing this world system
from inequality to us, walking as equals
within a balanced ecosystem of money
Through this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
justify the excuse that i have to survive as the 'i don't want to be fat' personality
so i can be whole instead of realizing that
this is me running away from my fear
then desiring to Not eat rice to be beautiful and fit
instead of realizing that this is balance in polarity ( positive and negative)
and that real wholeness
does not need to be attained within balancing 2 ends of a pole
realizing that it is the same pole
and that real wholeness
is about standing for what will benefit the body
developing an equal and one relationship with it
and standing for what is best for All in this One Life
