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Sunday, January 20, 2013

Redefining Veganism: How I Became A Vegan Day 53 Correcting Myself


I am bringing a memory back here of when i decided to adopt a vegan diet - to look at my fear of being sick and my fear of death as the one directing me in my choice of what food to eat.  So, let's look at the following points:

a. Fear of being sick
When i attended a vegan gathering in Australia, i saw a man in the film being operated on. My eyes opened wide. I saw the doctor took solidified fat inside the man's artery. 
These were the Fears that came up:
Fear of being in the man's position
Fear of Pain-  believing it was painful
Fear of suffering
Fear of taking bad tasting medicine  (when hospitalized)
Fear of being bored just lying down on the hospital bed
Fear of being alone in the hospital 

b. Giving a value to 'what taste good' 

One of my concerns when when i was considering to be vegan was that the food will be bland just like the food that i tasted in that vegan gathering. I was scared that i will be sick like that man in the film - and can end up being operated on if i continue drinking milk and milk products - but i believed that 'i can make the bland food taste good so convinced myself to turn vegan regardless.

c.  I Desired To Be Healthy 

I believed that if i continue changing my diet for the better i will be healthy and never get sick  - thus, will not be hospitalized ever, if i turned Vegan. I did not realize that it's my fear directing me in deciding which food to eat or not eat.

Not seeing/realising that i am living the fears i had in the past, in the present within me 'desiring to be vegan. So i am walking back and bringing the memory  back here so i can look at my Fear of being sick and my Fear of death:

Note: I will highlight the relevant part of the story line with pink

A Copy of 

My Food Programming

- Memory:I was born to this world without an assurance that i will get the basic necessities i need to survive. 
- Memory: I fear surviving in this world of competition and self-interest. 
- Memory: I cried and when my mom heard me cry, she came and fed me mother's milk
- Memory: My family fed me anything that was available for me to survive and i ate it
- Memory:  I saw them cooking and eating food so i tasted it and liked the taste of it so i ate what was served on the table
- Memory: I liked meat when i was young specifically 'humba' ( pigs knuckles in a Philippine 'humba' sauce) - a dish my mother cooked for me) so i ate more of it and other foods that was given to me
- Memory: To forget my fears,  i entertained myself with food
- Memory: I heard a story where my grandmother was telling me that when i was young, she was so angry to see a cockroach very near me while she was watching me as i was sick and dying in the hospital. She said that happened when she was ' praying to God to save my life and at the same time imploring him to take my life and not let me suffer if it was not meant for me to survive'.
- Memory: when i wasabout 7 -8 yrs old, i felt weak, lying down on bed having a flu and taking  medicine that had a 'bad taste' when i was young living with my grandmother
- Memory: when i was in high school i was having heart pains -then was told by a doctor that i have 'angina', a mild form of heart disease which the 'specialist' dismissed as 'nothing' after he tested my heart and  advised me to just play outdoors' - yet in my mind i had this fear of getting sick and dying which i kept to myself
- Memory: I did yoga and meditation                                     (fear of getting sick)
- Memory: I heard and read that the 'sentient vegetarian diet' (a vegetarian diet without onions, garlic, mushroom and eggs) was a healthy diet 
- Memory: I  was invited to a sentient vegetarian dinner where they were talking about health
- Memory: I adopted a 'sentient' cooked vegetarian diet - believing that food like mushroom, garlic, onion, meat, fish etc.  has  'negative energy' in them' and that generally vegetables, fruits, nuts, milk, butter have positive energy in them (as the guru said so )
- Memory: I learned how to cook a 'tasty' vegetarian diet
- Memory: I believed that the vegetarian diet is 'better than' a carnivorous diet - believing it is a 'healthy diet'
- Memory:  I practiced the 'sentient vegetarian diet' for 29 years and believed the sentient vegetarian diet is  healthy and that it is the diet of spiritual people or highly evolved people
- Memory: I attended a vegan get-together and saw a film where the doctor took solidified fat inside a man's artery
- Memory: Fear going to the hospital - fear of being operated on, fear of pain, fear of sickness, fear of death
- Memory: I did not like the diet - as it tasted bland 
- Memory: Disregarded my fear of eating bland food because i know i can make the food taste good 
- Memory: I adopted a vegan diet                                         (fear of getting sick)
- Memory: I ate in a restaurant and tasted raw' tasty' food
- Memory: I researched about raw food
- Memory: I read that raw food can heal people's illnesses
- Memory: I took knowledge and information that i have heard and seen from the media as my truth 
- Memory: I learned how to make raw foods                       (fear of getting sick) 
- Memory: I adopted a raw food diet
- Memory: It tasted good
- Memory: I 'felt good and looked good' after eating 100% raw food
- Memory: I equated eating 100% raw food to 'being the best diet in the planet'
- Memory: Some of my raw food friends started juice feasting
- Memory: I researched about juice feasting
- Memory: I read that it can remove toxins in the intestine
- Memory: I did juice feasting                                                    (fear of getting sick)
- Memory: I felt good and light
- Memory: I saw a man in a youtube video surviving just eating fruits
- Memory: My dad had an illness so i visited him one day and was surprised to know that he was just eating fruits, he looked 10 years younger his age and he's healed from his illness
- Memory: Decided to eat only fruits
- Memory: I felt light and I looked younger
- Memory: I saw a man in a youtube video teaching personal fitness and running very fast who claimed he was a breatharian
- Memory: I wanted to know if the body still has energy even when it's not getting food
- Memory: I researched about inedia and breatharianism
- Memory: I found out Lao Tzu who i traced as the proponent of 'Taoism' - is the proponent of Inedia
- Memory: I found out that he just disappeared and connected that to 'immortality'
- Memory: Where i work, they started a weightloss contest
- Memory: I decided to test not eating nor drinking for 3 1/2 days   
- Memory: I started fasting without water nor food once a week and then twice a week, 2 1/2 days a week and then 3 1/2 consecutive days not eating nor drinking    (fear of not surviving without  food and water/fear of death)
- Memory: I found out my body only wants to sleep for 2 hrs and has all the energy throughout the day to do what needs to be done
- Memory: I found out i can run faster when i was not eating - also feeling so light -  than when i was eating
- Memory: I was mesmerized by these new found 'feats'
- Memory:  I considered myself 'special' believing that the majority of people eats food and i didn't - believing they were 'normal and i was special'
- Memory: I found out my body is beginning to adopt to not eating on the third day of the 'no water no food fast'
- Memory: I fear sickness and death - so it came up and i saw myself fearing not being able to eat for a long period of time
- Memory: I heard someone saying that breatharianism is a 'mind energetic bullshit'
- Memory: I fear continuing my fast                                   (fear of getting sick/death)
- Memory: I stopped

This clearly shows me that my decision to be a Vegan was directed by my Fear of getting sick

I am presently doing self-forgiveness for my fears and correcting myself in my living

To be continued in the coming blogs

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