Texture of Pumpkin 4 Connected to Texture of Feces Day 50 Backchat

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SELF-FORGIVENESS

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Mathematics of Life

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This Blog is a continuation of this blog :

http://foodandnutritionjunejourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/12/texture-of-pumpkin-and-texture-of-feces.html

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Self-forgiveness

Backchat: 

 'Nah, i don't like to eat that'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 

to  participate in the design of/as  ' fear of survival - as texture' 

coming from a belief that

i will not survive if and when i eat a boiled mushy pumpkin 

connecting the texture of the pumpkin to being sick and dying

within my mind

 through this  

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 

to  extend the thought and the imagination 

to a backchat or internal conversation

where i use words separate from me 
 within and as my mind

having internal conversations

saying  'Nah, i don't like to eat that'

 when i see a boiled mashed pumpkin

on the table

having a memory of me in the toilet seeing 

the texture of the feces inside the toilet bowl

connecting that memory of the texture of the feces

to the texture of the boiled mashed pumpkin

where i connected the odor of the feces

to the texture of the feces 

connecting the texture of the feces to the texture of the boiled mushy pumpkin 

then

connecting the (bad) smell of feces to the texture of the mushy pumpkin

connecting the  (bad) smell of the feces to the bad smell of the medicine

 that my grandmother gives me when i was sick

connecting the bad  smell of the medicine to puking
connecting puking to weakness
connecting weakness to sickness

and connecting sickness to death 

as me as the mind connects the feces to sickness and death

 the value of the pumpkin 'deflates further'

creating a relationship with the pumpkin 

and experience the pumpkin in a 'negative way'

Through this

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connecting the pumpkin to the
following
bad smell of feces
bad smell of medicine my grandmother gave me when i was sick when i was young
weakness
being sick
death
where
i separated from the word pumpkin 
and charged the word pumpkin with a negative value

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 
to doubt myself and become uncertain about who i am
when i see a mushy pumpkin
believing i will split myself into 2
the self that exists eternally
and the one that will die
as i connect the texture of the boiled mushy pumpkin with 
fear of getting sick - and fear of dying 

Through this
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 
blame the physical for creating differences in texture 
within spite
so spiting the mushy texture of the pumpkin
believing this will lead to me dying
as i connected the mushy texture of the pumpkin to feces, sickness and death

Through this

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself 
to have the excuse that i have to survive 
believing that i should not eat the mushy pumpkin to exist eternally
believing i will die if i will get weak, get sick and die when i eat it

Through this
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
justify not wanting to eat the pumpkin
by saying 'i have to be whole'
to survive/exist eternally
believing that if i will not eat the mushy pumpkin
i will survive/exist eternally
as i connected the mushy texture of the pumpkin 
with feces, sickness and death

instead of seeing and realising that
the mushy pumpkin consist of the same atoms
all food items are made of
as everything that is here consist of

not realising that if i stop participating in this internal conversation
and see what is here in this physical existence
I will see that all are made of atoms
All having a value  equal to/ as  Life
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I commit myself to when and as i see myself having a backchat about the 
mushy texture of the pumpkin 

I stop - i breathe'

I realise i have connected the word pumpkin to other words 

which i had given  negative values to 

deflating the value i gave the pumpkin

which led to me 

having internal conversations 

as in 

 'Nah, i don't like to eat that'

So, i assist myself to bring myself back here
and see the common sense that we consist of the same atoms
so we have to Live this one life as equals
and assist in establishing a world that truly honors All Life
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I commit myself to live the redefined meaning of the word pumpkin

and flag point myself when and as i see myself  attending a gathering 

having mushy pumpkin on the table

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Mathematics of Giving Positive and Negative Values 
Vs
Giving values Equal to Life

I realised that the values i gave the pumpkin 

as an example of these  values  :
texture of feces = -100

texture of pumpkin = texture of feces  = -100

texture of feces = bad smell = -100

Bad smell = the medicine my grandmother gave me when i was sick  = -90

medicine with a bad smell  = puking
puking = weakness
weakness = death

texture of mushy pumpkin = death

pumpkin =  -10

instead of realizing that 

the values i gave
the pumpkin

was not a real  value

as i gave the  value within and as my mind 

instead of realising that the real value of the pumpkin
is equal to life 

Pumpkin = Life

and will be clearly seen by me
when i stop participating in my mind 
looking at what is here in this physical reality