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Friday, May 24, 2013

'I Have to Eat So I Will NOT Make The Host Feel Bad'' Day 99 Alone

I am looking at this Mind Eating Pattern:

Eating Food when attending an Event to Please The Host:

>everyone is eating

>>I have to eat even if i really don't feel like eating
>>>i don't like to spoil the event
>>>>i have to eat a little bit
>>>>>so i will not make the host feel bad

' your mind is that very system that manipulate, deceive and lie
to your very beingness to get your beingness to respond 
in a very particular specific way to the mind'  
Interview from Eqafe

This is directed by me as the mind
the alternate version of me
as who i have become

I am rewritting the patterns within myself
to through self-forgiveness, writting
and self correction in my living
birth me here as who i really am


'The energy of fear takes the physical body and so ones beingness into a resonant state of stress and tension and when one move ones sound in the self-forgiveness as a gentle soft depth, assist and support with that change of energy and its consequence to self stability in the physical body... '
'What is fascinating about desire is also its often or frequent attachment to fear in that one will be in a desire but at the same time there will be a fear as well in how one get into that internal conflict for a moment - i want to but i don't but i can't stop myself, oh and there i go and then one give in to the particular specific desire...'
From the Interview: When Desire becomes Overwhelming 


Self-forgiveness Statements

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
participate in the design of 'fear of survival - as form - as energy'

fear that i will be disturbing the positive energy experience  - or happiness
experienced by everyone participating in the event or make the host feel
bad if i do not eat

believing that i have to do what everyone does
believing that if i don't i will create a negative energy experience
that will make everyone sad
believing that if i create a negative experience
they will hate me for that
believing that if they hate me
i will have no friends
believing that if i have no friends
i will be alone and lonely

not realizing i am running from my
fear of being alone
fear of having no friends
fear of others hating me
fear of making other people sad

desiring to eat because everyone is eating
to cover up my fear

the evil me being self-dishonest
instead of realizing i am here as breath in every moment
able to self-direct me here

Through this,
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
doubt who i am
uncertain of whether i am the one desiring to please the host
or the one who is eating to assist the body to survive

perceiving that
i am split into 2
the ego and the self
the honest one or the self-dishonest one
doubting myself

instead of realizing that
my beingness is trapped
within my mind and my body
and it is to release my beingness
through writing, self-forgiveness
and self correction in my living
as per my self correction script
assisting me
to accept and allow me
to live as who i really am, how i really am and what i really am
as wholeness

Through this,
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself
to blame the physical for creating
hosts that get angry when i do not eat
instead of realizing that i am the one thinking this is in my mind
so i have to take self-responsibility
to through writing, self-forgiveness and
commitment to correct myself in my living
change myself
stabilize me as breath when and as i am
attending an event
be self- honest
and eat to support my body
change my starting point
from wanting to please
to eating food to assist the body
to get the nutrition that it needs

Through this,
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
have the excuse that i have to survive
as that personality that does not make the host feel bad
by not eating so i can make people feel good
about themselves

not realizing that people cannot realize through me
as they have an individual process to walk

not realizing
i am re-living a memory
of me hearing my mom, family and friends in the Philippines
repeating the words
'you have to eat, i made this for you, you have to eat, i will feel bad if you do not eat!'
over and over again when i was young

repeating the same pattern again and again
as the words, pictures and behaviors that constitute the memory
within my mind

Through this
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to
justify the excuse that i have to survive as the personality
that eats to please the host of the event
believing that i will be whole
to instead of displeasing the host, please the host
not realizing this is balance in polarity
where i fear not pleasing the host - so desires to please the host

instead of realizing wholeness does not require separating from the source
so does not need to unite to the source to become whole

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