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Sunday, May 19, 2013

Decoding The Mind of a 2x RawFoodist: Cancer Day 96



In my past blogs i was decoding my mind as a meat eater
cooked vegetariancooked veganraw foodistsungazer/liquidarian,
juice feaster, and a fruitarian

I am in a way hacking my mind
decrypting the codes of my mind

When i looked at my food programming timeline
I saw repeating patterns

Let's look at My Mind As A Recovering Raw Foodist

I will bring my memories back here of when i became a Raw Vegan
(August 2008) and look at it:

Pattern Number 8
Mind of a 2x Raw Foodist

>I started eating raw foods again
>>but the lump in my breast is getting bigger
>>>there's an itchy nagging feeling inside my body
>>>> let me see the doctor even if i do not believe in them, for the lump to be examined
>>>>>because it grew very big
>>>>>>he said i have breast cancer according to the mamogram and tests
>>>>>>>can i die? i have too many things i have to do - i cannot die 
>>>>>>>>but just in case i die, what will happen to me, go and talk to the portal? I don't know
>>>>>>>>>i felt i need another diet that is lighter than raw foods
>>>>>>>>>>so i can deal with the burning, nagging, itchy sensation in my body

I defined myself into existence
programming myself through words spoken in the mind
creating myself through writing words, speaking words
and expressing myself through words

In blogs to come
I will rewrite myself
To through writing, self-forgiveness  and self-corrective application 
stop sentences in the book i have written within myself
my whole life story in this book that is myself

I am reprogramming myself
equal to and one with how i created myself

Note: Desires are fuelled by fears. The 'positive' comes from the 'negative'

Let's look at 
Fear 1: fear of having cancer                    

Desire 1: to be diagnosed that i do not have cancer -to be healthy

Fear 2:dying                                                

Desire 2: to live

Fear 3: fear of doctors                                

Desire 3: to not go to the doctor, not to be operated on

Fear 4: not knowing what happens          
Desire 4: to know what happens after death
 after death 
Fear 5: the nagging itchy feeling persist  
Desire 5: stop the nagging burning itchy feeling                                                       
Fear 6: Raw food  is heavy                          
Desire 6: to be feeling light trying out Juicing

Fear 7: that i will be dizzy if i continue      
Desire 7: to eat raw food
being a fruitarian

Let's look at My Beliefs:

Belief 1: raw food is heavy and Juicing is light
Belief 2: that i can get away from the consequence outflow of what i accept and allow
Belief 3: i have option or choice 
Belief 4: that i am separate from cancer and that it is my enemy because it causes me to suffer
Belief 5: that fruitarianism makes me dizzy and that when i eat raw foods i will not be dizzy
Belief 6: that dizziness is caused by eating fruits


' your mind is that very system that manipulate, deceive and lie
to your very beingness to get your beingness to respond
in a very particular specific way to the mind'
Interview from Eqafe

What Is the Decision i made?
To be a  raw foodist again and then to be a juice feaster

What is the'Momentary' Reward i get ?
'Happiness' within thinking that if i do this or become a raw foodist  again i will minimize my chances of being dizzy - and then becoming a juice feaster again, i will feel lighter and will be able to think clearer.

A momentary feeling that makes  me feel that i did something to deal with the problem and that i provided a solution - an idea of a  relief, within balance in polarity

I ask myself these questions:
1. Is my beingness trapped within this pattern (at the beginning at the blog)?
2. Can i free my beingness from this trap?

To See the Problem and Solution 
follow the link, Problem Solution Reward


'The energy of fear takes the physical body and so ones beingness into a resonant state of stress and tension and when one move ones sound in the self-forgiveness as a gentle soft depth, assist and support with that change of energy and its consequence to self stability in the physical body... '
'What is fascinating about desire is also its often or frequent attachment to fear in that one will be in a desire but at the same time there will be a fear as well in how one get into that internal conflict for a moment - i want to but i don't but i can't stop myself, oh and there i go and then one give in to the particular specific desire...'
From the Interview: When Desire becomes Overwhelming 


  1. Cool June. I don't recall what your treatment plan was when you were diagnosed in 2008. Have you shared this somewhere that I can read?

  2. I was diagnosed with 4th stage breast cancer in my right breast. The surgeon advised for me to do chemotherapy and radiation. He advised that i do radiation first to reduce the tumor into a smaller size so that he can operate on it and then do chemotherapy. At that point i was feeling the burning itchy nagging sensation in my breast all the time.I went and asked the perspective of another physician - he advised the same thing, radiation and chemotherapy.There was a difference on what goes first chemo or radiation - but advised both. So, i looked at the whole thing. Firstly, i know that my body cannot withstand chemotherapy given the stress that it is already in. So, i am considering surgery first, to get that burning, itchy nagging sensation out. That to me was commonsensical at that point. So, i asked another Filipino friend who is a surgeon 'what are my chances of survival if i opt for surgery'?, ''what are the advantages and disadvantages of this decision' ? - as per what he saw in the medical field, as what works and what does not work'. He said that my survival depends on the surgeon's removal of all the cancerous tissues in my breast. If he can do that, there is a chance, but according to him this is difficult to do because there's also the lymph node under my armpit that has to be removed and the tissues in there. So, i decided to go for surgery. I know that my surgeon was worried about disfiguring my body and was talking about how people sometimes sue them if they become disfigured because of the operation. I told him i have to problem about being disfigured. All i wanted was to survive. So, i talked to him about surgery, and he said that i will be disfigured if he operates on my breast which has grown so big at that point. My right breast has grown to a size of a big grapefruit. I did self-forgiveness for my fear of being disfigured and my beauty points to release that. This surgeon told me that if he will operate on me - considering the size of my breast, he said he will have to take a portion of skin from my right thigh to graft to the part of the breast that will be removed. All i wanted at that point was to survive. I asked him 'what are the chances of me surviving if i do chemo and radiation'?, and he told me there are no guarantees. There is no cure. The oncologist also told me the same thing. So, i removed chemo and radiation in my list of options. There is only one thing left, and that is surgery. I decided to go for surgery. I told him to operate on my breast without undergoing chemotherapy and radiation. He did not agree with me and he told me that if i do not do chemotherapy and radiation, my breast will rot and no family member will want to visit me. He advised for me to see my oncologist about the chemotherapy. So, i talked to him about not having chemotherapy and told him i want to have surgery. He did not like my decision and barely spoke to me. I then talked to my surgeon about my decision to go ahead with the surgery without chemo and radiation and informed him that i already talked to the oncologist. So, when i was in the operating room, before he operates on me i repeated my request and told him to please remove all cancerous tissues and make sure there is nothing left. He just looked at me and went away. So, the operation was performed and after a month and after the test, my oncologist said it was clear .