My Coaching Platform
From a self-honest assessment of who i am as the mind, i am assisting others on how to have a self-honest assessment of who they are, as the mind - essentially assisting them as an equal - where i do not coach them from a platform of 'separation', based from the 'information and knowledge' that i have and/or the 'experience' that i have, to rather 'coach', from an equal seeing, establishing a real 'relationship' with them, the food and the body where, I draw from my investigation of who i have become as the mind and how i assist myself to stop, forgiving myself and correcting myself breath by breath, moment by moment..
Who Am I When I Eat?
In the Philippines, where i grew up, i rarely eat chicken meat or pork, i mostly eat fish, so when i celebrate my birthday, i ate meat dishes. Noodles being a staple in birthdays. There is a superstition - a belief, that long noodle strands will give the celebrant long life'.
I am bringing a memory back here, of when i ate the Philippine 'Pansit' wheat noodle dish which is very similar to the Chinese dish, Chow Mien or Lo Mien.
When i was eating the Philippine noodle dish 'pansit', which my mom prepared, when i have my birthday. I can hear her voice and the voices of people around me in the background, laughing and commenting about how the dish tasted and some saying, 'it's good', some saying, 'thank you' and as everyone is busy, i would normally be looking for the chicken meat that is present in the dish and getting more of it and leaving others little, where when i was doing that, i would talk to them and pretend i was fully involved in the jokes that they were telling each other, but i was really secretly sifting out the chicken and pork meat for myself depriving them of their equal share of the meat, which i, of course hide in my secret mind where no one knows, where no one can see, and instead of l-i-v-e, i have these 'e-v-i-l intentions', only interested in my own survival, which i will do self-forgiveness for below.
This is me standing 'separate from each person in that dining room' as my 'competitors' in getting most of that piece of chicken meat and pork, 'competing' so i can be 'happier' than all of them, so, within just this simple act of eating this noodle dish, i can see who i have become within eating
In the dining room, i was 'competing with everyone' , 'never really present',' never really here', eating, 'unaware' of who i really am as equal to the food i am eating, the expression of the wheat plant, the carrots, the coconut oil, the red bell peppers, the green beans, the cabbage, the soy sauce, the water, the chicken and the pork that is present in the dish.
My awareness was limited to who was the 'happiest' in that dining room and who gave me gifts,which gifts i ' lke or don't like' etc.
The 'unawareness' was really there because of ' fear of facing me as the polarity opposite of that which i 'desire', which is 'happiness' directed by my 'fear of sadness', fearing that i will be 'the child that i see on tv, that does not celebrate a birthday, the child that has no food on the table, the child that is poor, the child that is suffering, the child that is in pain, fearing that i will end up having no one, and alone, sick and lonely'.
I did not see, realize and understand that the 'positive' started from a 'negative' and that one cannot exist without the other as both complete each other
Instead of facing what i fear the most, i 'kept them in the secret mind, suppressed', then it compounds and drives me to do things that will 'make me happy', which in my case was the 'bliss' which i got from many things, food, exercise etc.which i believed when 'taken away from me', i will be 'sad', so i made sure i 'have these things all the time. Within all those years, i controlled people and my environment to make sure i have all those all the time', because if i look at me 'without all those things that will make me happy, i will eventually die and not exist' so essentially what i am doing is stopping me from facing my fears, as who i really am, within my 'fears and desires' etc., within self- sabotage.
All the things that i was doing to' make me happy', was there to sabotage my getting to know who i really am as self.
I realize happiness cannot exist without sadness
It is in self-honest looking that i came to understand why i was desiring happiness, and within writing, self-forgiveness and self-correction, i was able to see that i have' fear of sadness, fear of sickness, fear of death' and essentially, 'fear of not existing'.
I was 'unaware' i have those 'fears', not because i was really 'unaware', but because i hid them in my secret mind, and believed they were not there, yet i know they were there because i know i put them there, within self-dishonesty
It was when i saw that who i am hiding from, is me, and that which i am hiding is me
that i realized there was nowhere to hide and to fear me
I realized instead of fearing me, i have to embrace me, and assist me to forgive myself as if to say, 'what have i done?', and instead of hiding within 'unawareness', i take self-responsibility for me and forgive myself and commit to correct myself breath by breath, moment by moment to recreate a new self that can be trusted for what is best for all life, and within that humbly stand in a platform where nature, the earth, humans, the animals, the plants are my equals
I can see the consequential outflow of having my fears and desires in my 'within', as i consume the body and take the nutrition i gave it and then the mind needing energy - transforming the nutrients to energy to be used by the mind - to 'fear and then cover up that fear by desiring happiness' and within that, have the consequential outflow in my 'without' of nature being mined for food and profit.
My Self-forgiveness Statements
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe 'noodles give long life' because it has long strands - where i connected long life to noodles - desiring to have long life - driven by my fear of death or not existing - and connecting the noodles to these words charging it with a 'positive value' - not really seeing the noodles as what they really are - made from the same substance the body is made of, the tree of life is made of, the nature of life is made of - equal to all that is here.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compete with everyone in the dining table as i eat taking most of the meat in the dish so i can have more and others less - as the 'competition' mind character and hide the fact that i am doing that as the 'hiding' mind character within eating as the who i have become within eating this dish as i go within my mind, in an alternate reality where i am an alternate version of me, competing, hiding, and desiring 'happiness in eating food' as the 'food is happiness' mind character.
Commitment to Correction to Birth Me Here
as Who I Really Am
As the Real Character
As equal To all that is Here
I commit myself to when and as i see myself believing noodles give long life - i look at what i connected it to and defined it within - and what positive values and negative values i have given it - not seeing it as what it is - but adding to or subtracting from what it really is - fearing the negative - desiring the positive - then reacting with a positive - as feelings or negative - as emotions - going within my mind and separating from what is real as what is here as the physical/body/ substance - so i will redefine these words, food, noodles, nutrition, wheat etc. and use these words as living words - as equal to my expression as who i am as life - living life as equal to all parts of me as life.
I commit myself to stop these mind characters - to release the memory as pictures, desires, etc. within myself and let go of the separation within myself and stand with the physical in every breath that i take, to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application breath by breath, moment by moment move myself to assist myself to birth myself as the real character - as flesh as bone, as blood, as the body/physical/substance - equal to the body/physical/substance of the earth, nature, other humans, animals, plants, microorganisms, bacteria etc. - equal to all life.
In my next post i will write about my friend who filled out the health history form. She is from Italy. I asked her permission to write about our chats and she obliged.
Click here to find out where i saw 'Fear of Sadness' at a young age and what i did to bring 'Happiness' in my Life :
Redefining The word 'Sadness'